Chronic Illness and the Single Life Series – The Challenges of Dating – Part 2

It’s another week and another blog post, and today we are continuing with our single life series and part 2 of the challenges of dating. For anyone who missed part 1 you can find it here.

Last time we covered the challenges of how to find a date and when to tell someone about your illness, this time we are looking at the challenge of how to handle a date and how to manage symptoms when on a date.

Challenge 3 – Handling a date

So you have secured a date (well done you), and you may or may not have made them aware of your condition/s, but now you have the tricky task of getting through the date, symptoms and all. The problem with a first date is it can be stressful whether you realise it or not, and the problem with chronic illness is the fact it loves to feed off stress. You may be thinking well what is the point then, but you really shouldn’t allow this to put you off.

Probably the most stressful part of a date is the fear of the unknown, the loss of control in knowing what is to come, so why not take back some of the control and take the lead in the actual date planning yourself. By taking the lead in planning your date you can be prepared for any potential issues that may arise and try to work around them before they happen. Going forward once you are more comfortable with your date and vice versa you can let them take more of the reins as hopefully the stress will subside, and they will understand your needs better.

By planning the date yourself you can look at factors which are more inline with what your chronic illness requirements are. Do you find your energy dips as the day goes on? Then opt for a daytime date. Are your pain levels high? Then choose an activity where you are sitting down. Feeling lethargic? Then sitting in a warm indoor environment probably won’t help, so why not suggest going for a gentle walk? Is eating a problem? Why not plan around that incorporating or leaving out food depending on your needs? Personally for me I have digestion issues so eating whilst stressed is not a great idea when I get mega bloating, but equally I have several times a day where I have to take medication with food, so maybe a snack rather than a four course meal would be a good middle ground.

I want to also point out that with current Covid times it is not possible for everyone to just go out on a date. I would class myself as one of those people, yet this doesn’t mean you or I need to miss out. As I mentioned in my last post there are many interactive things you can do online, or simply having a virtual date over video chat is more than enough. You can even set the scene to how you would like it – all from the comfort of your own home. Alternatively if you want to meet in person (and it is safe to) opt for outdoor settings still basing it on your needs.

Another key element to handling a date is to set yourself a time limit. Now you can choose to tell the other person this or just keep it to yourself to give yourself a target. Give yourself a realistic timescale based on how much energy you think you will use and try to bring it to a close before it gets too much. But most importantly stick to it! It can be difficult when you are getting on with someone to want to leave, but if you know your body needs it there is no harm in making sure it finishes when you planned it to. Plus, if you like each other that won’t matter in the long run as all you need to do is arrange to speak again.

Of course, as with all things it is personal choice – our bodies are all different and we all tolerate things at different levels. You may feel the payback is worth it or equally you may want to end the date even sooner than you planned due to any aggravating symptoms – there is no right or wrong.

Challenge 4 – Managing symptoms on a date

Let’s be honest for a minute – you can plan, plan, plan and still be symptom overloaded. So, what if this happens? My suggestions are as follows:

• Do a bit more planning (ahhh! This is never-ending!), and try to rest up the day before, and prior to the date

• Take any aids you need with you on the date e.g. medications

• Research menus if in a scenario where you will be eating

• Take time out on your own – Just because you are on a date doesn’t mean you have to be glued to them, you can take some time to regroup if you need time on your own. Make excuses to go to the bathroom, or take a phone call, or if online move away from the screen and have a breather

• Practice relaxation techniques – This is hugely dependent on the symptom bothering you, but you may find practicing mindfulness and meditation helpful

• Alternate between standing and sitting – Mixing up the activities on your date may help with symptoms such as tiredness and pain

• Avoid alcohol

• Keep snacks and drinks to hand – This can be helpful with nausea, dizziness and blood pressure issues

• Cut the date short – If symptoms are too much there is no shame in cutting it short. Let’s be honest this is probably way better than carrying on and leaving an impression you are not interested because you are too distracted

• Be honest – This is probably the thing that will benefit you the most in a dating scenario. Because let’s face it, it is obvious when someone isn’t enjoying themselves and unless you are a A-list actor you will probably have it written all over your face, and if you like them you really don’t want them thinking it is because of them. Being honest also allows your date to really understand not only you as a person, but your illnesses too. As cliched as this sounds you will know if they are the right one for you because they will be the one who accepts all of you – chronic illness and all – and they will be the one who sticks around long after a symptom filled date!

Here we have it my final challenges of dating with chronic illness. I hope you found this posts helpful and that they resonate with those of you who are single pringles like myself. This isn’t the end of the single life series as I would like to share further posts of my own experiences of the single life with chronic illnesses, and more posts surrounding dating, relationships, body changes and sex – so stay tuned. If there are any topics you would like me to cover in this series, as always just let me know.

Sarah xx