The thought of talking to anyone – stranger or not, can be a terrifying prospect for a lot of people. The idea of spilling your deepest fears, thoughts and experiences can even bring you out in a cold sweat and maybe once upon a time it would have done the same to me, but not anymore.

I have been to a number of talking therapies since my teens. I say talking therapies because two of those occasions were classic counselling scenarios and the other three were through the healthy minds service at my doctors surgery. The difference between the two being healthy minds focused on techniques and goal setting to improve anxiety and depression e.g. CBT which were about moving forward. The classic counselling sessions were much more relaxed and I was in control with what we spoke about which enabled me to talk about my past, present and perceived future.

The key element when it comes to counselling is finding the right counsellor that is a fit for you. The first time I tried counselling I did not gel with the women I was with at all and although you had the option to change counsellors, I felt obliged to continue with her and as a result played down my emotions trying to give her the answers I felt she wanted to hear. The second time I tried, several years later, it couldn’t have been more different and I was able to open up about my real emotions meaning I could really tackle the things that were holding me back the most.

In a nutshell I went to counselling to force myself to confront the anxiety I had held on to since childhood and to face my demons regarding my multiple chronic illnesses. At the time of attending counselling sessions I was very much in the grief process of my illnesses – grief for the life I had planned that I now wouldn’t have. Unknown to me I had been in years of denial (and I mean years) trying to convince myself my diagnoses were wrong and that there must be something out there to make me better, as well as toying with anger that this was happening to me. It was during my counselling period that I went through the bargaining stage making myself go back to work in the quest to get the old me back which only ended in disaster and as a result a period of sadness and emptiness rather than depression. It was only after I finished counselling I entered into the stage of acceptance – something I found I needed to do on my own.

Counselling wasn’t a quick fix to me accepting my conditions and my altered reality, but it was a way of getting to open up in a way I could never do with anyone else. Talking to people who knew me was hard because of just that – they knew me. They felt my loss as much as I did and I couldn’t be honest about how ill I felt each day or how worthless I felt about what my life had become without upsetting them. I couldn’t express how their behaviour made me feel without hurting them and that was the last thing I wanted to do. For more about family, friends and chronic illness read my previous blog post here.

Talking to a stranger who didn’t know me or my life, or anyone in my life for that matter was a great comfort. A source of support that I began to rely on each week. Taking to this woman, I was able to shake my guilt and admit my jealousy of seeing other people move on with their lives whilst I felt stuck. Instead of covering up my feelings I was able to be open which enabled me to realise that my feelings are credible and that it is ok not to feel ok with what has happened in my life. I shouldn’t have to filter my emotions. As well as the emotional bits though, counselling also helped me to get to know myself again – to realise there was more to me than my conditions.

Nowadays we have so many avenues when it comes to reaching out to others, it is just about finding what works for you. Counselling can take a variety of different forms and in this current climate you don’t even need to leave your house to access it. You can take part in telephone sessions, virtual online ones and if talking 1-2-1 is not your thing there are resources such as support groups to get you started.

For anyone struggling with finances I know traditional counselling with a qualified practitioner can be near impossible, I have never been able to afford private counsellors myself. Instead you can follow in my footsteps and access charity counselling services which are normally run by volunteers who only request you make a donation for each session based on what you can realistically afford.

Counselling in whatever format is definitely something I would recommend especially if you are unable to talk to people in your everyday life. There is no shame in needing to talk to someone and share your feelings. In fact just saying them out loud can make such a big difference and talking to a stranger can be more therapeutic than you think!