Category: OCD

'Living with' Series · Anxiety · Mental Health · OCD

Living with… Mental Health

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We have finally made it to the final instalment of the ‘Living with…’ series – I mean it this time! We have covered Tourette’s, PCOS, UCTD, Fibromyalgia and M.E/CFS, and now we have made it to the mental health section.

First of all I have to say the title of today’s post bothered me somewhat, because technically we all have mental health whether it’s good or bad. So saying living with mental health sounds a bit strange, what I mean by this of course is mental health problems, and for me this is in the form of anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

So let’s start with anxiety. Anxiety according to the NHS website is a feeling of unease such as worry or fear, that can be mild or severe. I think most people will have experienced anxiety in some capacity in their lives – it is a natural response associated with the fight, flight or freeze reaction. Anxiety becomes a problem however, when it interferes with your daily life.

There are actually many types of anxiety including social anxiety – a fear of social situations/interactions, specific phobias, panic attacks, and generalised anxiety disorder – where you may experience worry most of the time about things going wrong.

Negative symptoms associated with anxiety can include: feeling sick, needing the toilet, racing thoughts, insomnia, excessive sweating, going red, dizziness, shaking and in some severe cases chest pain to name a few.

OCD is also linked with anxiety, yet with OCD you are dealing with obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours. So, an obsessive thought will be a thought that can be unwanted or unpleasant that can leave you feeling anxious, uneasy or at times disgust. A compulsion is the act of doing something to take away and relieve the obsessive thought for short periods of time.

E.g. Germs – Obsessive thought – Worried about catching germs and becoming ill – Compulsive behaviour – Excessive hand washing

With the addition of Mental Health

When and how I got diagnosed

I have battled with anxiety since childhood in the form of Social Anxiety, and in my later years I developed Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I have always been someone who struggled with being judged and as a result I couldn’t form strong interactions or bonds with others. Whilst I have improved, I still suffer with anxiety to this day.

My OCD goes hand in hand with my anxiety in general, but I actually developed OCD when I was in my teens and I started seeing the first signs of my Tourette’s. My OCD and Tourette’s bounce off each other making the other that much worse. My OCD has evolved over the years from worrying about germs and things being switched off to fearing the health of others and things happening in an often dramatic fashion.

What I find different with Mental Health problems

The support available – I know there is still a long way to go when it comes to mental health services especially in recent times, but for me I was able to access several avenues when it came to my mental health which I have struggled to do with my physical conditions. I was able to go to support groups, have sessions with healthy minds, be offered medication and speak to a counsellor.

What I wish people knew about Mental Health problems

In terms of anxiety I wish people knew you can’t just snap out of it or pull yourself together, just because the situation doesn’t make them personally anxious. Pushing people isn’t helpful to the anxious person and in some cases can make you feel worse.

In terms of OCD, a lot of people will claim they are ‘so OCD’ because they like to be clean or because they make lists, and use it in a jokey manner. True OCD is these things to an extreme which can impact your daily life immensely. I wish people knew how much throw away comments can hurt people experiencing these things for real.

The most difficult things about living with Mental Health problems

The intrusive thoughts and doubts can have a negative impact on my other conditions. Especially when I have to deal with a dismissive doctor who tries to downplay my symptoms – my anxiety can allow their negative feedback to make me question myself.

Also the repetitive nature of OCD when it flares can increase the discomfort of my Tourette’s, therefore causing a issue for not just my mental, but physical state too.

What has having Mental Health problems taught me ?

I actually think having problems with mental health is what has taught me to understand mental health in it’s full glory. I am able to be more compassionate, open, sympathetic and thoughtful to not only myself, but to others too.

It has also taught me about me, and now that I am in my 30s I am more in tune with my thoughts and body then I think I would have ever been without my struggles. Understanding my mental health has allowed me to put my physical health first and start to look after all of me, not just parts.

For more information on OCD you can read my symptom of the week post here.

Here we have it, we have come to the end of the ‘Living with…’ series. I hope you have found it helpful learning about how I live with my various conditions. Until next time xx

Anxiety · Chronic Illness · Mental Health · OCD · Symptoms · Tourette Syndrome

Symptom of the Week – Obsessions and Compulsions

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This week is not so much symptom of the week, but condition of the week as OCD is a condition in itself.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a mental health disorder which many people have as a stand alone condition or alongside other conditions e.g. Tourette Syndrome. In a nutshell OCD is when a person lives in a vicious cycle of getting obsessive thoughts which cause anxiety that leads them to perform compulsive behaviour for short term relief.

For example a person may have obsessive thoughts about contamination which cause them anxiety so they compulsively and repetitively wash and clean to take away those intrusive thoughts. Another example is having obsessive thoughts that make you believe your actions may leave yourself or other people at risk causing you anxiety, so this leads to compulsive behaviour in the form of checking to make sure things are turned off and/or doors are locked.

My experience

For me OCD is a result of two things: my anxiety issues and my Tourette’s. In terms of anxiety I find being an anxious person I worry about a lot of things from worrying about germs to how my actions may affect someone else. Through the years I have built many compulsive behaviours to combat my obsessive thoughts. However this side of my OCD has improved in recent times and whilst I still do compulsive behaviours from time to time, (disinfecting anything in sight or getting out of bed repetitively to check things are turned off), the majority of my OCD now sits with my Tourette’s. My ticking goes hand in hand with my checking of lists and I tic whilst I check and need to tic if I don’t check – I can’t win!

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My top tips for Obsessions and Compulsions – as always please check with your doctor/specialist before trying any new tips/ideas.

  • Refocus your mind – I know this is really hard when you are in the mist of a obsessive/compulsion cycle, but try to engage your mind on something else. Be it an activity or a happy memory try to distract yourself and move away from your obsessive thoughts.
  • Ask your doctor about CBT – CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a psychological therapy which focuses on the here and now. It teaches you how your thoughts have an impact on not only your emotions, but your behaviours too. Many GP surgeries now provide CBT or can inform you of courses in your area.
  • Speak to a counsellor – If you believe your OCD stems from a particular reason you may find a series of counselling sessions may help. Getting to the root of your problems may help not only your OCD, but your mental health in general. You can access counselling in a variety of different ways nowadays including face to face, telephone and video calling.
  • Get in touch with support groups – Joining a support group or accessing online information will help you to feel that you are not alone. Dealing with obsessive, intrusive thoughts can make you feel very lonely so seeing and hearing about other people’s experiences can help. Charities such as OCD-UK, Rethink and Mind are a great starting tool. To here about my own experiences you can read my article on my anxiety episode with germs here .
  • Build up your self-esteem and trust yourself – I find with my OCD a lot of the time I am looking for reassurance from others because I don’t trust my own instincts and therefore my own self. Realising you are capable of things and you can trust yourself as much as anyone else if not more will aid in your quest to combating your obsessions and compulsions.

Tourette’s related OCD

If you find your OCD is significantly related to your tics then you may find seeking help for your Tourette’s is more appropriate. You can find out more information on tics in my last post here . You can also find details of charities that may be able to help you further.

Anxiety · Chronic Illness · Mental Health · OCD · Stress · Stress Management

Anxiety Episode – Germs

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I acted quickly, too quickly in fact which is strange for a procrastinator like me and now all I felt was panic, panic at what I had done and panic for what was going to happen and in this panic I could feel my grip on reality beginning to slip away.

I have experienced mental health issues in the form of anxiety for most of my life mainly in the form of generalised anxiety with a pinch of social anxiety thrown in the mix for good measure. I have a gift for catastrophising letting one thought move to another and then another until all of a sudden I have convinced myself I am responsible for everyone else. Once I went to the cinema and convinced myself I hadn’t turned off the tap in the bathroom sink, suddenly I had thoughts of the bathroom flooding, then the rest of the flat and being responsible for my family losing our home and our possessions. I couldn’t rest all through the film, all I could feel was my anxiety – when I got home the tap was turned off after all.

It wasn’t until I developed multiple chronic illnesses that my anxiety surrounding health really began. Having multiple illnesses that are debilitating is just that – debilitating with constant episodes of fatigue, dizziness, digestive issues etc. consuming your everyday life; the thought of catching other illnesses simply makes you paranoid. I was ill enough already I didn’t need anything else to add to the pile as even a simple cold could make me feel awful, but worse still trigger my other symptoms. Germs in a nutshell scare me, so much so that I would have to evacuate an area if someone sneezed, all for fear of catching something. Hand sanitiser has been an essential buy for me way before recent times as I would have to sanitise after every interaction I had, just in case I touched something then touched my mouth, eyes, nose, face, in fact anywhere on my body.

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It was one Saturday afternoon that my panic set in; the day had been rather uneventful thus far and my mum had just left for work. It was very much early days with regards to the news of covid-19 but even these first mentions of the virus were making me nervous. So much so the second my mum left the house I decided I needed to disinfect certain areas in the home. Going into the bathroom I picked up some antibacterial wipes and peeled off the covering only for it to fall off and land in the toilet. My first initial thought was to flush it away but then my worry brain took over, anxious it would block the toilet. I tried using different objects to scoop it out but to no avail as the sticky bit of the cover had stuck to the bottom of the pan. It was then that I acted quickly like I said too quickly and I grabbed a rubber glove to put on and fish the covering out myself.

Now to the non-health anxiety eye that might not seem like a big issue or in fact an issue full stop and in fact may have been standard protocol for some people but the second I recovered the item and took the glove off, I went into a complete meltdown. All I could think was what had I done? What if I’ve caught something from the toilet or the toilet water? So I scrubbed and I scrubbed my hands even though the one hadn’t even gone in and the other had been fully covered. Then I hand sanitised, paced round my living room worrying myself sick and started the process again of scrub hands, sanitise over and over convinced that some fleck of a germ had invaded my body. All of a sudden I had the notion that if it was on my skin, it could be on my clothes too so I had to take all my clothes off and wash them right down to my underwear. After showering and putting on clean clothes I was paranoid that maybe my hair had been contaminated so had to wash it again even though I had already washed it that morning. The panic sent me into a frenzy of not only cleaning myself but rooms of the house just in case I had transferred germs from one place to another. I was catastrophising at the highest level believing my actions had contaminated the house which would make me ill and then put my mum at risk., I couldn’t think straight. I felt physically sick. I carried on this behaviour for five hours until my hands were red raw and sore and my mum returned home. Seeing her I broke down sobbing unable to take the mental anguish of what I had put myself through but speaking to her about my actions brought me to my senses and I realised how irrational my thinking had become.

Whilst I’d had episodes of overthinking, this was on one the first times I realised the damage my own mind could cause, and how much I struggled with stressful situations. I had accessed mental health services in the past alongside counselling and after reviewing my notes it opened my eyes to the concept of CBT and how your thoughts affect your behaviour and feelings. Although this is hard at times CBT has helped me to get hold of my thoughts before they get out of control. I have also learnt to manage my stress more by focusing on the things I can control and not the things I cant. Most of all I have learnt to be kinder to myself and accept me for me, because whilst my mental health is a struggle at times, I am trying my best which is all any of us can do.