Category: Tips

Mental Health · Self-Esteem · Tips

Boost Your Self-Esteem Month

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February is International Boost your Self-Esteem Month, so I thought this week I would talk about just that: self-esteem.

I was always someone who suffered with shyness growing up, and a lack of confidence. Someone who always wanted to be in the background. Nevertheless it was an issue with my self-esteem which was truly holding me back. It was how I viewed myself and my abilities which had the most damaging effect, because I never felt enough to anyone anywhere. It took me until my 30s to fully get to grips with my self-esteem issues and see the bigger picture, but there are times even now when I fall back into old habits. So, this blog post is a reminder to myself as much as everyone else to why boosting self-esteem is so important.

What is self-esteem? Self-esteem is an evaluation of your own self-worth, essentially the opinion we have of ourselves.

When somebody suffers from low self-esteem it can hold them back from doing things in life they want to do, make them believe they are not capable of success, make expressing their needs difficult, make them believe other people are better or more worthy than them, make them critical of themselves and overall give people a feeling of not being good enough.

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Boosting your self-esteem – especially when you have been used to feeling/thinking something for a long time – is a working progress. It takes time, patience and a lot of kindness to yourself, nevertheless here are my top tips:

  • Learn to say no – When you are a yes person you are putting other people’s needs before your own and this needs to change. To boost your self-worth you need to do what feels like the best option for you, and if that means not meeting up with a friend when they want you to then that is what you should do. To begin with people may badger you because they are so used to you saying yes, but the more you do it the more authority your voice will have.
  • Avoid focusing on negative experiences – Every time you think about something that has gone wrong in your life, you are emphasising the thoughts of not being good enough. The thoughts that you must be the problem or that it went wrong because of something you did. Acknowledge the event of course, but then leave it where it belongs: in the past.
  • Stop comparing yourself to others – One of the worst things you can do when it comes to self-esteem is compare your life to others (guilty as charged!). We are all on different paths at different times juggling different challenges, therefore how can your life be exactly the same as someone else? Living with chronic illness, it is hard not to see other people your age and see where they are in life in comparison to you – so don’t! Avoid social media searching and finding reasons to believe other people are better than you, instead focus your energy on yourself.
  • Learn about yourself – Rather than criticising yourself, why don’t you praise yourself and write down the positives in your life. Having low self-esteem can mean you have spent so long beating yourself up that you probably don’t really know yourself at all. What are you good at? What are your hobbies? What have you achieved? We all have things in life to be proud of no matter how small. By learning about yourself, it can remind you why you are good enough and change your opinion of your self. Read my post on gratitude lists for more ideas here.
  • Understand there is no thing such as perfect – The reality of life is nothing can be perfect all of the time, if ever at all. By holding high standards of where you think you should be or who you should be like, you are always setting yourself up to fail. Then when you fail you are confirming to yourself that you are not good enough and reinforcing your low self-esteem. Realising life is a learning curve in which you can only do your best in and that no situation will ever be 100% will help you regard your worth.

I hope you find these tips helpful – I for one will be reminding myself of a few of these things again. If there is anything you take away from this Boost your Self-Esteem Month make sure it is this: Know your worth and that you are good enough no matter what.

Chronic Illness · Fibromyalgia · ME/CFS · PCOS · Tips · UCTD · Work

Techniques to Use at Work

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Following on from my previous blog post on Work and Chronic Illness – if you missed it you can find it here – today I am going to talk about the different techniques you can use at work if indeed you have to.

During my time at work I tried to come up with a few techniques to combat some of my symptoms which if you are in position where work is your only option you may (or may not!) find useful. Remember this will be determined by the type of work you do and the type of condition you have, so you may need to make your own adjustments based on your actual job role and health.

  • Muscle pain – If you suffer with muscle pain try to do some mindful stretching to stretch out achy muscles – depending on your work environment you may find you need to nip out to the toilet so it doesn’t look like you are auditioning for a fitness DVD
  • If you are sat down at work make sure you take up the opportunity to undertake a workstation assessment. This will help to provide you with the right type of chair, foot rest, technology and work space for your individual needs
  • To combat fatigue and headaches make sure you drink plenty of water and have regular snacks. This will also help keep your blood sugar steady if you suffer with dizziness
  • Go to bed the same time every night to let your body get into a routine
  • Make sure you take your full entitled break – In society nowadays we are expected to work like machines due to staff shortages and tighter deadlines and as a result feel railroaded into taking shorter breaks or in some cases missing breaks altogether. Under no circumstances allow yourself to do this as you will only pay for it later. Take your full break, get out in the fresh air and away from your work environment, eat and drink to refuel and try to switch your brain off in that short space of time
  • Make sure you take all medications and aids with you to work and set reminders for any medications you need to take throughout the day
  • If you are working in an office environment and are light sensitive then adjust the brightness on the computer screen and use coloured screen paper when reading documents
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  • Practise deep breathing in stressful situations
  • Pace your activities if possible by changing between physical and mental tasks. If you have spoken to your manager about your condition/s then you could explain the importance of pacing to them so depending on your job role they could alter your tasks.
  • Develop a strong work life balance by not letting work become your life otherwise your home life will be the area affected
  • When you leave work each day switch your work brain off and shove it in a drawer – easier said than done right! The reality is though there is no point worrying about things you have/haven’t done when at home because you can’t do anything about it until your back at work – you’re wasting valuable energy. Wasted energy that will only impact your home life which is really not what you need
  • Speak up when things are getting tough – do not suffer in silence
  • Realise that if things are getting too much having time away from work isn’t a weakness. If you need to be signed off regardless of how long that is for it is probably the best thing for you at that time. Chronic illness is hard work and working with one is even harder so give yourself a break and hold up on the guilt.
  • Consider a career change – It sounds so easy when people say it, but not everybody is able to just give up their current job and take a chance on something completely different, but if you are struggling in your current role it doesn’t hurt to brainstorm what you would like to do instead and investigate your options. – I will be looking at doing a piece on career changes in the future so keep your eyes peeled.

The reality is working with chronic illness is difficult and there is no quick fix that will take the difficulty away, but I hope you find my suggestions helpful. The most important thing is to look after yourself and know you can only do your best, and that is all that really counts.

Chronic Illness · Fibromyalgia · ME/CFS · Tips · UCTD

Work and Chronic Illness

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Life in the workplace can be difficult at the best of times, but what if you are in the mist of your career and you are struck with chronic illness? How do you navigate being uncontrollably ill whilst being expected to keep up with your responsibilities in your job role? Today I would like to share with you my experience of becoming ill in the workplace.

My workplace experiences

My own personal experience begins with leaving university with a degree in Psychology and believing I could do whatever I wanted. Before realising I was ill I did a number of different jobs during my time at uni including waitressing and retail work, not understanding why doing a four hour shift was killing me. After uni I moved into a admin position which led me into the corporate world working in a HR department. I was earning good money working five days a week on full time hours, and at the age of 25 feeling I was around 80. Whilst my colleagues worked a full week and had hobbies in the evenings and then busy weekends I would get home and collapse on the sofa just about managing to have food, (prepared by someone else), before falling asleep. My weekends were a blur of sleep and pain not being able to leave the house because I needed so much rest. Going back to work on a Monday morning was always a struggle as I felt the weekend hadn’t been long enough, and having to hear everyone else’s tales of great weekend adventures was simply depressing. Yet the more tired I got the more I pushed myself not realising at the time I was doing myself more harm than good. My ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia conditions had developed and were in their full glory with every working day a battle with feelings of pain, tiredness, sickness and dizziness just to name a few. Needless to say this was exacerbated by the stressful working environment I was in.

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My never-ending ill health led me to having multiple absences from work with each absence lasting months at a time as my body struggled to function. Each time I returned to work I was ushered into a disciplinary meeting whereby I would be read the riot act about absence. Each time I listened and apologised even for being ill, and each time they would tell me they would ease my workload in order to support me and all I had to do was speak up when things were getting too much. So I did just that I spoke up when my symptoms were getting too much, but unfortunately my concerns were ignored. As a result my conditions would take over and I would be signed off work again.

After five years of working like this I made the decision to leave my job as my body and mind were no longer mine to control. I did not return to the working world for 18 months in my quest to get ‘better’. I chose to go back to work after 18 months as I felt I was ready to try again, but this time on part time hours. I lasted 8 months during which I had another extended absence and once again had to walk away. The people I worked with were lovely, but once again my individual needs were not conducive to the environment I was working in.

It was after leaving that job I realised that chronic illness is something I will always have to consider in my working life and finding an employer who understands that will be vital in me trying to keep as healthy as possible. An employer who doesn’t just say they understand disability in order to tick the equality acts box, but an employer who truly listens and acts on what they hear.

The reality of ME/CFS in the workplace

It is wrong to assume every person with a chronic illness cannot work, but for ME/CFS sufferers in particular the whole concept of holding down a job is a job in itself. People assume it is the work itself that causes problems which of course it does, but so do all the elements around holding down a job. From being able to get up early in the morning, losing an established health routine, to the commute into the workplace and the interaction with other people – the whole day can be filled with challenges.

Whilst employers are becoming more aware of the importance of equality in the workplace in the form of disability, there is still one area of disability that many employers are not exploring which is that of the chronic illness employee.

I don’t blame employers for not understanding how to support chronic illness employees in the workplace. I don’t understand it myself either half the time. Living with chronic illness and in particular living with ME/CFS is unpredictable at the best of times and makes planning a normal working week next to impossible. That’s why reasonable adjustments and flexible working are so important when it comes to chronic illness.

Flexible working can range from altering start and finish times, the number of hours you work and probably the most vital tool for people with ME/CFS the ability to work from home.

But what if you don’t have that option and you have to physically go to work? Whilst it would be lovely to sit here and say don’t go to work if you can’t the reality is that isn’t practical for some people no matter how much you want it to be. Whilst I am not working at this moment in time due to my illnesses there have been times when I haven’t had a choice due to finances but go to a workplace, and I know there are many people who are in the same boat.

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My top three tips for supporting yourself in the workplace (if indeed you can make it there)

  • Be honest with your employer – This has always been something I have struggled with since becoming ill – when and if to tell an employer. Should you tell them on the application form? At an interview? Or three months in when you are having an unbearable flare up? The truth is the choice is entirely yours, but being honest with your employer isn’t something you should shy away from. The more honest you are the more you can communicate your needs. Sell your skills as well as your limitations and show that there is more to you than being an illness. This way it is a two way street of what you can give them as well as what you need them to give you. If you become ill whilst in work then you should make your employer aware sooner rather than later to ensure you are given the support you need as soon as possible.
  • Read up on your company’s disability policies – All companies should have policy and procedures which should include a disability section. Read it or get someone you trust to read it and familiarise yourself with it so you know your rights within the workplace. Find out about policies regarding flexible working and highlight any areas relevant to you. Once you feel you are prepared request a meeting with your manager, (taking in a witness if needed to help you record notes). Discuss what reasonable adjustments you are entitled to showing them the policies you have read.
  • Contact HR – If like I did you found your manager isn’t listening or keeps delaying any support you are entitled to contact your HR department. As a disabled employee you are entitled to reasonable adjustments including occupational health assessments and your HR department will know this. Remember to keep detailed correspondence between yourself and anyone you speak to not only to act as a reminder, but to keep as evidence for future reference.

So here you have it my experience of becoming ill in the workplace. There is no doubt working with chronic illnesses is a tricky affair, but so is living with them. The important thing to know is all workplaces are different and they offer different experiences, but that doesn’t stop you exerting your rights. Don’t pressurise yourself to work if you are not in a place to do so, but equally if are able, (or have no choice), speak out about your needs. You are no less worthy of your role than the person next to you, illness or no illness.

If the topic of working is of particular interest to you keep an eye out for my upcoming posts on benefits, employment (with more specific tips in the workplace) and career changes.

Update: You can now read my workplace tips post here

Mental Health · Tips

How to Manage Stress at Home

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As mentioned in my previous article Modern Day Stress and How to Manage it (click to view here), in these modern times stress is a factor that is ingrained in the lives of most people. As people spend more time at home, it is vital we start to look at our homes as a sanctuary and a place of safety, one that is as stress free as possible.

Below I tell you how to manage stress levels while at home and how to make it a relaxing peaceful environment to enjoy.

1. Choose a space in your home

Most homes are filled with distractions whether it is other people or things such as technology, ready to snatch your attention. Choosing a space in your home (e.g. a corner of a room or a chair by a window) that can just be yours, free from other goings on will open your mind and body to relaxation every time you enter it.

2. Decorate your space

Ok this needs to be done with some thought – maybe don’t block a space off that is of communal use, but if the space allows try to make it your own. Think of what makes you comfortable and relaxed e.g. sitting on a cushion on the floor or on a chair maybe and decorate with such pieces. Maybe add some blankets choosing relaxing colours such as blues and greys to represent the sea.

3. Research and practise relaxation techniques

There are many relaxation techniques available nowadays from body scans to deep breathing exercises. The key is to find the one that suits you. Research techniques by asking others, watching YouTube clips or reading self-help articles and practise until you find the one that is the right fit.

4. Take note of your diet

You have probably heard by now how much mind and body are connected. A healthy body will contribute to a healthy mind and one way of keeping a healthy body is to maintain a healthy diet. Keeping up with a good portion of fruit and veg and a balanced diet rich in nutrients will make you feel better overall. To achieve this write a meal plan which you can stick to each meal time and when you do a food shop. Factor in snacks if needs be and you never know you may develop a love for cooking you never knew you had.

5. Write a happy list

We all have things in life that makes us happy and give us that feeling of content, so make a list of what does that for you. It can be anthing from watching comedy clips or baking to caring for your pet to dancing to music. If you enjoy it, list it. Then when you need a stress busting moment refer to the list and be inspired to create your own bit of happy.

6. Be kind to yourself

Being kind to others is so important but so is being kind to yourself. At the end of each day once back in your sanctuary of home, take time to reconnect with what is important and let yourself appreciate you for you.

All in all, managing stress of life in general needs some practise and patience. But by following this list you can to manage stress a little better at home which will translate into all areas of your world.

Mental Health · Tips

Modern Day Stress and How to Manage it

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Modern day living has seen major growth in many industries including technology and the way we communicate. In some ways we are now more connected than ever with the ability to click a button or swipe through profiles to converse with someone. Yet while some areas are growing in a positive light other areas are increasing at an overwhelming rate and none more than modern day stress.

Stress has been an age old problem existing through the decades, the only differentiating factor perhaps being the reason for the stress. In this modern day world we experience stress from various areas in our lives including our personal and extended realms and in these most recent of times globally too. It can feel that no matter where you turn you are faced with some sort of stressor.

Stress is experienced by all of us, at fluctuating levels but we all deal with it in different ways. Some people take stress in their stride and are able to use it to their advantage by running with it and rising to the challenge. Others get overwhelmed to such an extent it has a negative effect on both their physical and mental health.

Being a perfectionist I am somebody who has always struggled with the impact of stress and I have always found myself becoming overwhelmed and anxious by the various pressures of life. In the last couple of years I have tried numerous ways to combat my stress levels and would like to share a few of them with you now in relation to different areas of our modern day lives.

5 Stress-busting tips for modern life:

Home Life

Create a relaxing space in your home – Your home should be your haven, it should be the place that you feel safe and secure but most of all relaxed. More so than ever we are spending more and more time in our homes therefore if possible try to find a space in your home (whether it be a chair by a window, a cushion on the floor or even your bath) that is just for you. Make the area as comfortable as you can and see this as an area of relaxation every time you enter it. Try to spend ten minutes in the area every day and take part in relaxing activities whilst there e.g. deep breathing, meditation or some easy reading.

Online Life

Focus on your offline presence – There is no doubt that our modern lives are heavily involved with the online world. From dating sites to social media profiles, to internet banking and booking appointments, our lives are played out in virtual form more than ever before. Whilst there are positives to this way of living and in most recent times the ability to keep connected is an extremely special thing, people do get consumed to an unhealthy level. Creating an image of yourself online that isn’t really you, is not only damaging to your self-esteem but creates an overwhelming level of stress as you compare yourself to others and deal with negative viewpoints on things you have posted. Spend time focusing on things you enjoy doing that doesn’t require you going online. Reconnect with hobbies you may have once forgotten about, that you can lose yourself in and don’t need reassurance to complete. By taking up interests that don’t require regular re-tweets or likes, you will give yourself a break from other people’s opinions and relieve stress in a positive way.

Work Life

Speak up and be heard – In these modern times of financial changes and increased workloads, employees are being expected to do more and more. From going in early, to working late, skipping breaks and taking on the work of others, workers are faced with multiple stressors on a daily basis. Whilst there is a level of stress you need to accept in the workplace alongside a talent for teamwork, you also need to identify when things are getting too much. Keep a to-do list and add to it regularly to get things out of your head and on paper, it is also helpful in seeing how much your workload is increasing and at what rate. If you find it is getting too much and is affecting your mental and/or physical health, then it is time to speak to your manager and be honest about how you are feeling. As an employee you have rights and your manager should understand plus it is so much better to tackle it sooner rather than later before the stress gets out of control.

Globally

Do your bit – There is no way dressing it up, at the moment the world is suffering and we are seeing life in a way we have never seen it before. We are all living in a state of stress at the moment, worrying about the future as well as the present. Whilst individually we cannot change what is happening right now, one way to combat your stress is to know you are doing your bit. Do what the government is telling you, stay at home, wash your hands and practise social distancing. In the same way do your bit to help the environment, by recycling, eliminating plastic and looking at your carbon footprint. Do the right thing to saves others as well as yourself and be mindful that whilst you cannot control what is happening around you, you are contributing to make it a safer world.

Yourself

Review your lifestyle – Figure out what makes you stressed and if possible change it, work out what makes you happy and make strides to improve those areas. If you need extra help in making those improvement within yourself than ask for help. Stress is a normal part of everyday life but if it is getting too much don’t suffer alone. Speak to your doctor, access help groups, sign up for counselling or online/telephone coaching and take an active approach in getting the help you need.