Work is hard for some people, stressful to most especially in the modern day lives we lead. What with long hours, increased workloads, it can be hard to switch off once you leave work each day. Anxiety in the workplace however is a whole different ballgame. For anyone who has experienced anxiety on any level will understand the overwhelming physical sensations anxiety brings but more so the debilitating mental side effects too.

The workplace for me has always been an anxiety induced setting but the majority of my anxiety centred on the people and the environment itself more so than the actual work. Of course the work bothered me, mainly because being an anxious individual, I’m a perfectionist, I want people to like me and as a result I would push myself too far in order to be great at my job. Nevertheless the overwhelming sense of pure anguish came as the result of being around others. Colleagues who I have never quite fitted in with, customers who are very quick to criticise – never a good combination when you are anxious other people are looking at you and making judgements.

In a previous retail job, I had a full on anxiety induced meltdown when I had to serve on a till for the first time. The thought of people watching me, sent my heart into palpitations and my stomach fluttering with nerves anyway, so when I was called over I was already in a state of panic. Clutching the barcode, I tried to run the scanner over it but my hands were uncontrollably shaking. So much so in fact the customer made a comment, making me even more self-conscious that I couldn’t use the till. All I wanted was to escape, I felt like a failure, but more than that I felt disgusted with myself that I couldn’t do a basic task like everyone else. In the end my colleague took over and I left the shop floor which later lead to my resignation – I just couldn’t face the humiliation.

I have faced many more anxiety moments in the workplace since from telephone travesties and not knowing what to say to attending team meetings and having to speak in front of other people, to be honest the list is endless.

The one thing I have learnt is to take my own needs into consideration. In an ideal world my anxiety would be knocked on the head but until then choosing a working environment that is conducive to what is going to make me feel comfortable is the best solution. For me being in a workplace whereby I don’t have to directly deal with people face to face is perfect bearing in mind my social anxiety, in which I can work independently or with only one or two others. I have also learnt that if I have faced a situation before and got through it then I can do it again, yes it’s scary but the feeling will pass and I will carry on.

Another helpful tip is to learn what it is in the workplace that makes you anxious – is it the people you work with, the type of work you do, the environment you work in? Once you have figured it out, the next step would be consider if this is an issue that can be changed. If applicable maybe speak to your manager about your concerns, your HR department or perhaps seek out 1-1 counselling externally to come up with techniques that will help you cope.

You need to remember you are not alone, in fact there may be people you work with right now that feel exactly the same way as you do. As the old-age saying goes ‘It’s good to talk.’

I thought I had got away with it, I was now in my mid twenties I thought I would never have to face these days again but here I was, back in the body of my fifteen/eighteen year old self and I couldn’t face the idea of feeling that way again. Having all those eyes boring into me, with expectations I couldn’t live up to and the feeling of worthlessness that would invade my body. Yet here I was in a state of debilitating anxiety and there was nothing I could do to escape.

I have always been an anxious person, a worrier, a ‘what if’ kind of girl. Always cautious about germs, danger and just getting things wrong. I developed OCD in my teens alongside generalised anxiety, all whilst juggling the daily struggle of kinetic Tourette Syndrome. Whilst all these factors were difficult to deal with, by far the worst was my social anxiety and basic anxiety about being around other people. Being around others I wouldn’t know what to say, where to look or even how to communicate without going bright red. I hated people looking at me, and what’s more I hated people pointing out my shyness. At school I was always referred to as the quiet girl, the if you blink you missed her girl because I became so invisible to everyone and after a while that’s how I wanted to be.

With this in mind, you can probably imagine that standing up in front of people was nothing short of a living nightmare for me and therefore giving presentations at school were a form of complete torture. Yet at school and then later at university I had no choice but to stand there and be judged in order to get graded. Whilst the blushing was embarrassing and the chest pounding was out of control, the uncontrollable shaking of my hands and voice were intense and there was no way of hiding it. When my education days were over, I swore I would never put myself in that position again where I would feels so vulnerable and powerless, those days were behind me – or so I thought.

Maybe I heard wrong, but no she has repeated it again, my work colleague that is, about how she wanted me to come down to the meeting the following week and give a mini presentation to the attendees about my role and the department in general. I felt sick to my stomach, to a point I could feel it rising in my throat. Back were the feelings of my earlier days as my heart started pounding and I felt uncomfortably hot. Of course I smiled back at her and said ‘no problem, I’ll do it’, how could I not, how was I supposed to say that at the tender age of twenty seven, I was scared of interacting with other people. So I kept quiet and my inner torment began.

The interlinking week between being asked to speak and actually doing it, in some ways took forever and in others flashed by like Usain Bolt. From the second I was asked, that was the only thing that consumed my brain, whether it was whilst at work itself or when sitting on my sofa at home, all I felt was fear. As the date got nearer, I even started fantasising about ways of getting out of it, or maybe more specifically ways I could pull a sickie. The only problem with that being I was already over my limit of sick days and with a multitude of health problems, I needed to preserve my sick days for when I was actually sick. So I agonised, I shook, I cried and I was sick to my stomach all the way to the dreaded day.

Going into work I actually felt fairly chilled, knowing the presentation wasn’t until the afternoon. Yet the second I sat down at my desk the nerves kicked in, especially when my colleague came over to remind me of my time slot was and how much everybody was looking forward to seeing me. Whilst some people would take it as a positive, I could only see the negative, the expectation placed upon me. Going off on my lunch break, I honestly considered not returning. I mean did I really need this job? Maybe, maybe not but one thing I did need was a reference and walking out probably wasn’t going to give me the best kind. So I took the only option available to me and went back to work.

As the minutes ticked by, the anxiety inside me was building and my heart beat was quickening. The calendar reminder flashed upon my screen, it was time. Tentatively I rose from my desk and walked around to my manager to let her know I was leaving the office, straight away my body language gave away my discomfort, she could tell I was drowning. Secretly I was hoping she would throw me a life jacket and insist it wasn’t worth my turmoil, but no instead she gave me a quick pep talk (to no avail) and sent me down.

Entering the room, my quickened heart beat was now in full force and out of my chest, through the window and galloping down the road. I was hoping to hide my shaking hands by carrying paperwork and to give me something to focus on. The second I entered the room, all eyes were on me and very quickly I noticed the chair that had been placed in the middle of the room was for me to sit on, so everyone else could surround me like a caged animal. To be honest the words that came out of my mouth were a blur, and I probably wasn’t even in there for more than ten minutes but it was the longest ten minutes of my life. I didn’t ease into it at all and I was just as nervous leaving as I was going in. Once I had left the room, my shaking hands went into a whole different level as the adrenaline rushed through my body – I was a mess but I had done it and although my breathing was erratic, I was still breathing.

Although to this day anxiety plagues me in certain situations and I would never knowingly put myself in situations whereby I have an audience and all eyes on me, I do hold on to the notion that even in my most severe bouts of anxiety, I will get through to the other side and more importantly I will survive.