Living with… Mental Health

2nd Apr 2021 memyselfandchronicillness10 Comments

We have finally made it to the final instalment of the ‘Living with…’ series – I mean it this time! We have covered Tourette’s, PCOS, UCTD, Fibromyalgia and M.E/CFS, and now we have made it to the mental health section.

First of all I have to say the title of today’s post bothered me somewhat, because technically we all have mental health whether it’s good or bad. So saying living with mental health sounds a bit strange, what I mean by this of course is mental health problems, and for me this is in the form of anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

So let’s start with anxiety. Anxiety according to the NHS website is a feeling of unease such as worry or fear, that can be mild or severe. I think most people will have experienced anxiety in some capacity in their lives – it is a natural response associated with the fight, flight or freeze reaction. Anxiety becomes a problem however, when it interferes with your daily life.

There are actually many types of anxiety including social anxiety – a fear of social situations/interactions, specific phobias, panic attacks, and generalised anxiety disorder – where you may experience worry most of the time about things going wrong.

Negative symptoms associated with anxiety can include: feeling sick, needing the toilet, racing thoughts, insomnia, excessive sweating, going red, dizziness, shaking and in some severe cases chest pain to name a few.

OCD is also linked with anxiety, yet with OCD you are dealing with obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours. So, an obsessive thought will be a thought that can be unwanted or unpleasant that can leave you feeling anxious, uneasy or at times disgust. A compulsion is the act of doing something to take away and relieve the obsessive thought for short periods of time.

E.g. Germs – Obsessive thought – Worried about catching germs and becoming ill – Compulsive behaviour – Excessive hand washing

When and how I got diagnosed

I have battled with anxiety since childhood in the form of Social Anxiety, and in my later years I developed Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I have always been someone who struggled with being judged and as a result I couldn’t form strong interactions or bonds with others. Whilst I have improved, I still suffer with anxiety to this day.

My OCD goes hand in hand with my anxiety in general, but I actually developed OCD when I was in my teens and I started seeing the first signs of my Tourette’s. My OCD and Tourette’s bounce off each other making the other that much worse. My OCD has evolved over the years from worrying about germs and things being switched off to fearing the health of others and things happening in an often dramatic fashion.

What I find different with Mental Health problems

The support available – I know there is still a long way to go when it comes to mental health services especially in recent times, but for me I was able to access several avenues when it came to my mental health which I have struggled to do with my physical conditions. I was able to go to support groups, have sessions with healthy minds, be offered medication and speak to a counsellor.

What I wish people knew about Mental Health problems

In terms of anxiety I wish people knew you can’t just snap out of it or pull yourself together, just because the situation doesn’t make them personally anxious. Pushing people isn’t helpful to the anxious person and in some cases can make you feel worse.

In terms of OCD, a lot of people will claim they are ‘so OCD’ because they like to be clean or because they make lists, and use it in a jokey manner. True OCD is these things to an extreme which can impact your daily life immensely. I wish people knew how much throw away comments can hurt people experiencing these things for real.

The most difficult things about living with Mental Health problems

The intrusive thoughts and doubts can have a negative impact on my other conditions. Especially when I have to deal with a dismissive doctor who tries to downplay my symptoms – my anxiety can allow their negative feedback to make me question myself.

Also the repetitive nature of OCD when it flares can increase the discomfort of my Tourette’s, therefore causing a issue for not just my mental, but physical state too.

What has having Mental Health problems taught me ?

I actually think having problems with mental health is what has taught me to understand mental health in it’s full glory. I am able to be more compassionate, open, sympathetic and thoughtful to not only myself, but to others too.

It has also taught me about me, and now that I am in my 30s I am more in tune with my thoughts and body then I think I would have ever been without my struggles. Understanding my mental health has allowed me to put my physical health first and start to look after all of me, not just parts.

For more information on OCD you can read my symptom of the week post here.

Here we have it, we have come to the end of the ‘Living with…’ series. I hope you have found it helpful learning about how I live with my various conditions. Until next time xx

Activities · Chronic Illness · Hobbies · Poetry

A Poem To Those Who Knew Me Before

26th Mar 20219th Apr 2021 memyselfandchronicillness5 Comments

I have come slightly late to the party, but the 21st of March was World Poetry Day.

Poetry can be a great tool for many people to express themselves, and as a lover of the written word I can see why. Not only that, poetry can help you release your creativity, send powerful messages that you may otherwise find difficult to say, and allow you to enter a zone of mindfulness where you focus your attention on one thing. All of which are great aids for people with chronic illness.

So, with this in mind I thought I would try my hand at a spot of poetry myself to celebrate (a rather belated) World Poetry Day.

I am going to put it out there straight away – I am no poet and I admire anyone who makes this seem easy because it really wasn’t. Even so I hope you enjoy xx

My poem is: To Those Who Knew Me Before.

You say I am not ill

Although I know I am

You say it’s in my head

Like it’s all one big scam

You are free, You can live

You don’t have to worry

I am forever changed

With this beast inside my body

Things have changed between us

no-one is to blame

We are on different paths

Nothing stays the same

You don’t get to judge me

Because you do not understand

This is chronic illness

This was never in my plan

Life is for me now

At a slower pace

With some days only managing

To just about wash my face

I am me, but I am not

A contradiction it may seem

I wish I could explain it

I wish it was a dream

I hope one day it changes

I hope one day I’m free

But even if it does

The scars of chronic illness will forever impact me

Activities · Art · Hobbies

Hobby Piece – National Gallery of Ireland

19th Mar 2021 memyselfandchronicillness3 Comments

In celebration of St. Patrick’s day this week, I thought I would share with you one of my hobbies and one of my favourite places ever – art galleries or to be more specific the National Gallery of Ireland.

Before I start talking about the gallery itself, I have to tell you about my love for Ireland. Personally for me, Ireland is not only a place of beauty, a treasure chest of discoveries, but it is home to some of the friendliest people I have ever met.

The National Gallery of Ireland has a special place in my heart because it was the first gallery I had ever been to which actually made me fall in love with art. Living with multiple chronic illnesses I find it hard to switch off and truly relax and divulge myself in actual mindfulness, but the National Gallery made me do just that. It was the first place in the outside world to really make me stop and engage with something other than how unwell I felt, because let’s face it when you are out and about it is hard not to let the pain and fatigue consume you.

I have been to the gallery on three occasions – one of which was to see the Vermeer exhibition – and the most recent visit being after the revamp in 2017 which sadly I was unable to finish seeing all the way through due to time constraints. Unfortunately my health has taken a battering in the years since, but my goal is to go back and see EVERYTHING (although maybe over a few days – to make sure it isn’t too much for my body in one go!).

The Gallery Itself

The National Gallery of Ireland is in Dublin, and is home to Irish and European paintings and sculptures as well as paper prints, drawings, photographs and watercolours. It was founded in 1854 and has over 16,300 artworks.

My favourite pieces (the ones I have seen at some point) include:

Caravaggio – The Taking of Christ – This painting purely blew me away, so much so I have my own print copy. This painting is a depiction of when Judas betrays Christ, and the figure at the back is thought to be Caravaggio himself. I love the play of dark and light contrasts in this piece and the hidden meanings throughout.

Johannes Vermeer – Woman Writing a Letter, with her Maid – Vermeer is no doubt, one of my favourite artists and this was only confirmed in my visit to the Vermeer exhibition many moons ago. Again this painting exudes light focusing on the figures of the woman and her maid as well as discarded items on the floor. I love the mystery of this piece as you don’t know who the women is writing too, but can assume it is a love interest.

My Vermeer Exhibition book and My National Gallery of Ireland Companion Guide

George Barret – View of Powerscourt Waterfall – It would be rather rude to talk about an Irish gallery and not mention an Irish artist and scene. This piece focuses on the natural scene of the tallest waterfall in Ireland and is truly beautiful. I love how the power of the waterfall jumps out at you through the trees, yet still makes for a peaceful scene.

Murillo – The Prodigal Son series – There is actually six paintings in this collection by Murillo which tells the story of the prodigal son. I love this idea of having separate paintings to tell one story and first discovered this on the gallery’s online exhibition. I also love the use of colour in Murillo’s work which I also enjoyed in his ‘The Holy Family’ piece.

James Arthur O’Connor – A Thunderstorm: The Frightened Wagoner – My final selection is of a thunderstorm scene which is packed with drama. One of my favourite things to examine in art is that of natural scenes and O’Connor has captured this magically. From the heavens opening to the bolt of lightening, the scared horses to the ferocious water under the bridge and the physical feeling that the trees are moving in front of your eyes – this piece catches nature in it’s rawness.

Accessibility in the Gallery

Although at the time of writing this the gallery is closed due to Covid – I thought it would be a great idea to share with you the levels of accessibility at the gallery in case you ever tempted to take a look yourself at some point.

The gallery has a wide range of resources available and has an excellent tool known as the accessibility map which outlines the provisions it makes for visitors with mobility issues, deaf or hard of hearing, blind or have low vision, and visitors with other disabilities. To view the map check out the gallery website.

For people unable to physically attend because of their chronic illnesses, the gallery has many resources online including podcasts, the online collection, online exhibitions and even pieces to practice mindfulness on.

I hope you enjoyed today’s hobby piece and it has been of interest to somebody somewhere. Either way I really enjoyed writing it because not everything is about illness and sometimes it is nice to remember that.

'Living with' Series · ME/CFS

Living with… M.E/CFS

12th Mar 20212nd Apr 2021 memyselfandchronicillness12 Comments

We have officially made it to the final instalment of the ‘Living with…’ series. Or so I thought… I have actually decided to turn this into a six part series, so as well as today’s living with M.E/CFS and the previous instalments of Tourette’s, PCOS, UCTD and Fibromyalgia, I have added living with mental health to the list.

So M.E/CFS – Myalgic Encephalopathy/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome according to the NHS website is a long-term illness with a wide range of symptoms – the most common being extreme tiredness. I personally wouldn’t describe this as extreme tiredness, I would more likely use the terms fatigue or exhaustion.

Other symptoms can include: post-exertional malaise, sleep problems, headaches, flu-like symptoms, sore throat, pain, feeling sick, dizziness and difficulty with concentrating, remembering and thinking to name a few.

Like with many chronic conditions people can experience symptoms at different levels of severity from mild to severe, and experience a whole host of different triggers and symptoms. The key point being whilst we may all be battling the same condition, our experiences and limitations will be varied.

When and how I got diagnosed

I was diagnosed with M.E/CFS around the age of 28. Like with my Fibromyalgia diagnosis I was originally dismissed by doctors as being ‘burned’ out from working in a highly stressful job role. I was constantly told I was stressed and that I was just tired, like most of the population. However the fatigue that was in my body and mind felt so much more than what the doctors were saying, I felt so weak and vacant and would spend time in my working day just lying on the desk unable to function. I would have whole weeks off and feel like it made no difference, until I had no choice, but to signed off for months on end. In the end I had no choice but to leave my job altogether.

I was actually diagnosed with M.E/CFS approximately a year – 18 months after my Fibro diagnosis. My M.E/CFS diagnosis was made by a neurologist and off the back of that I was sent to a chronic fatigue clinic.

What I find different with M.E/CFS

In comparison to my other conditions, I find there is more age diversity when it comes to M.E/CFS with people of all ages experiencing the condition. This does make it easier to find others in my age category who I can relate to – which has been difficult with some of my other conditions.

What I wish people knew about M.E/CFS

Probably what most of us wish other people knew – that M.E/CFS is so much more than being tired! Whilst I think in certain avenues especially in recent times, others are becoming more understanding, I think there is still work to be done to challenge this negative perception which can leave people in the community feeling misunderstood and side-lined.

The most difficult thing about living with M.E/CFS

In all honesty there are probably a number of things, I could list as difficult where M.E/CFS are concerned. However, the one that affects me the most at this stage in my life is the inability to plan for life. Out of all my symptoms from all my conditions, fatigue battles alongside one or two others for that top spot of being most difficult. Mainly because it is that one symptom which can fundamentally stop you in your tracks no matter how hard you try. You can have the best made plans, factor in your pacing, pull out your self-management tool kit, but if today is going to be that day of struggle, you don’t get a say.

Fatigue is the thing that stops me from working, socialising, leaving the house and at times being able to talk. It’s the condition you always have to factor in.

What has M.E/CFS taught me?

It has taught me that perfectionism isn’t everything. Once upon a time in my pre-illness days I would have to do everything to a tee. At work I would be the go-to when somebody wanted something doing and knowing it would be done to a high standard. Yet M.E/CFS has taught me these things don’t matter, putting myself under pressure doesn’t matter because when showering is a struggle you realise what is really important. The world doesn’t stop just because I do.

Here we have it my life with M.E/CFS – remember the series isn’t quite over as I will now be adding my mental health (anxiety/OCD) segment. To learn about my other conditions click on the links at the top of this post. xx

New instalment of the series now available: Click the condition to find out more – Mental Health.

Activities · Chronic Illness · Mental Health

Enjoyable Things To Do When Living With a Chronic Illness

26th Feb 2021 memyselfandchronicillness8 Comments

I am not going to lie to you, the last few weeks have been tough. I have been feeling unwell with a host of symptoms old and new. Today has been a better day and I wanted to get a post out, albeit short and sweet.

With this in mind, I wanted to hone in on enjoyable things to do when you are living with chronic illness. As always these things are dependent on energy levels and what symptoms are bothering you at the time, BUT it is always worthwhile having some things in your back pocket for those better days.

Enjoyable things to do:

Reading and/or listening to audio books
Listening to music
Painting
Crafting
Getting outside
Photography
Writing
Soaking in the bath
Watching TV/Films
Baking
Going through old photos and reminiscing

Daydreaming
Learning
Relaxing
Remembering how far you’ve come
Reading/hearing inspirational quotes
Planning
Watching comedy clips and laughing
Dancing
Listing things you like about yourself
Doing something for someone else
Eating

I wonder how many of these activities you can relate to when it comes to finding enjoyable things to do. Maybe you have your own that you would like to share….

'Living with' Series · Fibromyalgia

Living with… Fibromyalgia

19th Feb 20212nd Apr 2021 memyselfandchronicillness7 Comments

It’s a new week and therefore a new instalment in my ‘Living with…’ series, and this week we are talking about Fibromyalgia. You can view previous posts in the series about Tourette Syndrome here, PCOS here and UCTD here.

So let’s get started on life with Fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is described by the NHS as a long-term condition which causes pain all over the body – but trust me it is so much more.

As well as pain, people with Fibromyalgia can suffer with fatigue, stomach problems, headaches, muscle stiffness, pain sensitives, dizziness, cognitive issues such as brain fog and these are just a few of the symptoms.

Fibro is notoriously difficult to diagnose, but more than that it is a condition which is hard to get significant recognition for.

When and how I got diagnosed

Fibromyalgia was a diagnosis I received around the age of 27. Like a lot of people with this condition I was ill for a very long time before I was considered to have something more going on than just being stressed out. My initial symptoms were dismissed on a regular basis by health professionals who believed I was simply burning out from work, but I was becoming more and more unwell. So unwell in fact I became like someone in my 80s and not my 20s. It affected my ability to work, to socialise, in fact my ability to do anything.

After much back and forth with the doctor and referrals to the wrong clinics, I was eventually diagnosed with Fibro by a Rheumatologist and discharged from their care the very same day.

What I find different with Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia is the condition I have fought against the most out of all my conditions, purely because of the lack of support available. Whilst the majority of my conditions are invisible on me, I have found Fibro itself invisible in the medical world too. There seems to be no form of treatment other than self-management, no productive advice and no guidance on where to go after diagnosis. This of course may very well be different for others – a lot of the time these things are based on location, getting understanding doctors and local facilities available – this is just my personal experience.

What I wish people knew about Fibromyalgia

That Fibro is a condition that fluctuates. Therefore it is possible to have ‘better’ days where you can do more on some days than others. However this doesn’t mean you are suddenly cured or like some people believe ‘are not as ill as you make out,’ – the reality is a good day for me isn’t the same as a good day for you, it is just a better day for me which isn’t the same thing.

The most difficult thing about living with Fibromyalgia

No doubt it is the endless symptoms attached to it. Having such an exhaustive list of symptoms is not only exhausting in itself to self-manage, but it is the never-ending factors that can set symptoms off. From the weather (both hot and cold), stress, anxiety, a bad night’s sleep, getting too much sleep, walking too much, not walking enough – the cycle can be constant.

What has Fibro taught me?

That I am way stronger than I ever give myself credit for. Fibro literally turned my life upside down and I lost everything from my job to my independence, yet I am still going. Yes I am still in the same position, but I am trying and that is all any of us can do.

For more advice on any Fibro symptoms (or symptoms related to any of my other conditions) check out my symptom section here where I give tips on things I have found helpful. Remember to always check with a doctor before trying any new suggestions.

New instalments in the series are now available – click on the condition to find out more: M.E/CFS and Mental Health.

Mental Health · Self-Esteem · Tips

Boost Your Self-Esteem Month

12th Feb 202112th Feb 2021 memyselfandchronicillness5 Comments

February is International Boost your Self-Esteem Month, so I thought this week I would talk about just that: self-esteem.

I was always someone who suffered with shyness growing up, and a lack of confidence. Someone who always wanted to be in the background. Nevertheless it was an issue with my self-esteem which was truly holding me back. It was how I viewed myself and my abilities which had the most damaging effect, because I never felt enough to anyone anywhere. It took me until my 30s to fully get to grips with my self-esteem issues and see the bigger picture, but there are times even now when I fall back into old habits. So, this blog post is a reminder to myself as much as everyone else to why boosting self-esteem is so important.

What is self-esteem? Self-esteem is an evaluation of your own self-worth, essentially the opinion we have of ourselves.

When somebody suffers from low self-esteem it can hold them back from doing things in life they want to do, make them believe they are not capable of success, make expressing their needs difficult, make them believe other people are better or more worthy than them, make them critical of themselves and overall give people a feeling of not being good enough.

Boosting your self-esteem – especially when you have been used to feeling/thinking something for a long time – is a working progress. It takes time, patience and a lot of kindness to yourself, nevertheless here are my top tips:

Learn to say no – When you are a yes person you are putting other people’s needs before your own and this needs to change. To boost your self-worth you need to do what feels like the best option for you, and if that means not meeting up with a friend when they want you to then that is what you should do. To begin with people may badger you because they are so used to you saying yes, but the more you do it the more authority your voice will have.

Avoid focusing on negative experiences – Every time you think about something that has gone wrong in your life, you are emphasising the thoughts of not being good enough. The thoughts that you must be the problem or that it went wrong because of something you did. Acknowledge the event of course, but then leave it where it belongs: in the past.

Stop comparing yourself to others – One of the worst things you can do when it comes to self-esteem is compare your life to others (guilty as charged!). We are all on different paths at different times juggling different challenges, therefore how can your life be exactly the same as someone else? Living with chronic illness, it is hard not to see other people your age and see where they are in life in comparison to you – so don’t! Avoid social media searching and finding reasons to believe other people are better than you, instead focus your energy on yourself.

Learn about yourself – Rather than criticising yourself, why don’t you praise yourself and write down the positives in your life. Having low self-esteem can mean you have spent so long beating yourself up that you probably don’t really know yourself at all. What are you good at? What are your hobbies? What have you achieved? We all have things in life to be proud of no matter how small. By learning about yourself, it can remind you why you are good enough and change your opinion of your self. Read my post on gratitude lists for more ideas here.

Understand there is no thing such as perfect – The reality of life is nothing can be perfect all of the time, if ever at all. By holding high standards of where you think you should be or who you should be like, you are always setting yourself up to fail. Then when you fail you are confirming to yourself that you are not good enough and reinforcing your low self-esteem. Realising life is a learning curve in which you can only do your best in and that no situation will ever be 100% will help you regard your worth.

I hope you find these tips helpful – I for one will be reminding myself of a few of these things again. If there is anything you take away from this Boost your Self-Esteem Month make sure it is this: Know your worth and that you are good enough no matter what.

'Living with' Series · Chronic Illness · UCTD

Living with… UCTD

29th Jan 20212nd Apr 2021 memyselfandchronicillness9 Comments

Today I am writing the third instalment of my ‘Living with…’ series, which details life with my five chronic conditions. You can read the first two instalments on Tourette Syndrome here and PCOS here.

So, life with UCTD. UCTD for those who have never heard of it, (I never had), stands for Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease. UCTD is normally diagnosed when a person has a number of specific symptoms and blood results related to autoimmune disease, but not all the symptoms to suggest a specific condition. Put simply you have the signs of autoimmune disease, without a full blown conclusion. Some people find their symptoms develop over time leading to a definitive condition, whilst others remain the same therefore never leaving that pre-diagnosis phase of illness.

When and how I got diagnosed.

UCTD is my most recent diagnosis and I have had officially had the condition now for around 6 months (longer if you count how long I have been unwell). I was diagnosed by a rheumatologist after displaying a number of symptoms which didn’t fit in with my Fibromyalgia or ME/CFS diagnoses, alongside a number of flagged up blood results. My consultant believes based on my symptoms and bloods, my UCTD is leaning towards Lupus.

The symptoms of UCTD differ from one person to another based on which condition they are linked with. For me, a lot of my symptoms were masked over and hidden by my other conditions and often explained away because of them. However, I knew in myself this wasn’t the whole picture and it was my blood results rather than my symptoms which finally paved the way for further investigation.

What do I find different with UCTD?

The biggest difference between UCTD and my other conditions is this is the first condition I have ever had where I have received medication. With all my other conditions I was always told to self-manage and learn to live life with these limitations.

What I wish other people knew about the condition

As with the majority of my conditions, the most difficult thing about UCTD is the fact it is invisible and because it is invisible people don’t think it is real. On top of that UCTD tends to be an unknown condition, again making people become quite dismissive. I wish people understood the nature such conditions take on a persons body and realise that just because you don’t see see it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

The most difficult thing about living with UCTD

The most difficult thing about UCTD is the uncertainty of it all and whether this is going to be as bad as it gets, or whether I am going to get worse. Perhaps this has been somewhat determined in recent times because I had a telephone appointment with my specialist who said I needed to get my regular bloods done, and if all was well I would see him again in 12 months. However, I had a letter saying they would like to see me in the lupus clinic. It turned out my bloods were not great, and now 12 months has turned into 3 (although this has been extended due to covid). So, who knows what the future holds.

With all this said and done, if UCTD has taught me anything it is this: diagnoses are sometimes not always set in stone, symptoms can change, and I was right to trust my instincts all along.

New instalments of the series are now available – click the condition to find out more: Fibromyalgia, M.E/CFS and Mental Health.

Activities · Chronic Illness · Goal Setting · Goals · Mental Health

The Pros and Pressures of Goal Setting with a Chronic Illness

22nd Jan 202117th Jan 2022 memyselfandchronicillness1 Comment

We are officially making our way to the end of January already, and by now I am sure there are many people binning their new years resolutions, promising themselves they will start again soon.

This January 1st I made the decision for the first time in many years to not make new years resolutions. Why? Because I never ever complete them and as a result end up berating myself for my inability to achieve what I set out to do.

For anyone chronically ill or not, resolutions can be hard to keep, so why do we bother doing them at all? Maybe it is because a resolution is a firm decision to do something and that can be too much of an ask especially on bodies that don’t play ball. This is where we enter the world of goal making.

If you are like me and have been to anxiety and depression workshops or spoken to mental health practitioners, you will know goal setting is a vital tool used in the management of anxiety and/or depression. You may have also heard of the theory of using SMART when it comes to setting goals to make them more achievable. Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic Time-limited goals are deemed easier to accomplish.

Goals are a great source of focus when it comes to dealing with mental health as a way of giving yourself direction, motivation and confidence when you can see your achievements taking place. But how useful are they in chronic illness?

As someone who has multiple chronic illnesses and someone who has suffered with mental health issues I find goal making a juggling act. My mental health needs a focus, to feel like I am working towards something, but setting goals also brings out the ‘pre-chronic illness me’ – the person who cannot stop until something is finished, the person who overthinks, over plans, who wants to overachieve, and therefore puts the ‘me of today’ at risk by pushing my chronically ill body beyond it’s limits.

Of course there is no ruling saying you need to achieve each goal on the day you say you are going to do it, yet it doesn’t stop me from trying. To top it off on the days when it is so physically impossible for me to do so, I play the blame game with my own body for not allowing me to tick it off the list.

So what is the answer?

I think goals are a useful tool for most people, but I think personally for me adapting the format they take in my life is key. Using the SMART goal system whilst useful needs fairly generous adaptations to fit in with chronic illness life that as many of us know is so unpredictable.

My adaptations include:

Adjusting the goals on a regular basis inline with what my body needs at that moment in time. E.g. If I am struggling with my symptoms I will change my goal specifics each week (if indeed I am able to do anything at all) to determine what I am capable of each week/day.

Taking regular breaks from goal setting – Having my mind constantly set on achieving goals brings out the ‘me’ before illness and whilst I believe it is important for me to have a focus, I also think it is important for me to have times where I am not preoccupied with trying to achieve something. At times it is nice just to be and deal with what is happening right now.

Learning to be kind to myself – This really is a work in progress because I often find myself falling into bad habits, but reminding myself it is ok if I haven’t completed a goal on the day I had scheduled to do it, because it is not my fault can be helpful thinking.

In conclusion, goal setting is a great tool to have in your ‘medical toolbox.’ Goals can work wonders for your mental health and give you a sense of reward, however as always it is always vital to factor in your chronic illness needs in line with that. Pushing yourself is something your body won’t thank you for, so always be true to yourself and remember just because something didn’t happen today there is always tomorrow.

Anxiety · Chronic Illness · Mental Health · Personal · Stress Management

Talking to a Stranger – The Benefits of Counselling

15th Jan 2021 memyselfandchronicillnessLeave a comment

The thought of talking to anyone – stranger or not, can be a terrifying prospect for a lot of people. The idea of spilling your deepest fears, thoughts and experiences can even bring you out in a cold sweat and maybe once upon a time it would have done the same to me, but not anymore.

I have been to a number of talking therapies since my teens. I say talking therapies because two of those occasions were classic counselling scenarios and the other three were through the healthy minds service at my doctors surgery. The difference between the two being healthy minds focused on techniques and goal setting to improve anxiety and depression e.g. CBT which were about moving forward. The classic counselling sessions were much more relaxed and I was in control with what we spoke about which enabled me to talk about my past, present and perceived future.

The key element when it comes to counselling is finding the right counsellor that is a fit for you. The first time I tried counselling I did not gel with the women I was with at all and although you had the option to change counsellors, I felt obliged to continue with her and as a result played down my emotions trying to give her the answers I felt she wanted to hear. The second time I tried, several years later, it couldn’t have been more different and I was able to open up about my real emotions meaning I could really tackle the things that were holding me back the most.

In a nutshell I went to counselling to force myself to confront the anxiety I had held on to since childhood and to face my demons regarding my multiple chronic illnesses. At the time of attending counselling sessions I was very much in the grief process of my illnesses – grief for the life I had planned that I now wouldn’t have. Unknown to me I had been in years of denial (and I mean years) trying to convince myself my diagnoses were wrong and that there must be something out there to make me better, as well as toying with anger that this was happening to me. It was during my counselling period that I went through the bargaining stage making myself go back to work in the quest to get the old me back which only ended in disaster and as a result a period of sadness and emptiness rather than depression. It was only after I finished counselling I entered into the stage of acceptance – something I found I needed to do on my own.

Counselling wasn’t a quick fix to me accepting my conditions and my altered reality, but it was a way of getting to open up in a way I could never do with anyone else. Talking to people who knew me was hard because of just that – they knew me. They felt my loss as much as I did and I couldn’t be honest about how ill I felt each day or how worthless I felt about what my life had become without upsetting them. I couldn’t express how their behaviour made me feel without hurting them and that was the last thing I wanted to do. For more about family, friends and chronic illness read my previous blog post here.

Talking to a stranger who didn’t know me or my life, or anyone in my life for that matter was a great comfort. A source of support that I began to rely on each week. Taking to this woman, I was able to shake my guilt and admit my jealousy of seeing other people move on with their lives whilst I felt stuck. Instead of covering up my feelings I was able to be open which enabled me to realise that my feelings are credible and that it is ok not to feel ok with what has happened in my life. I shouldn’t have to filter my emotions. As well as the emotional bits though, counselling also helped me to get to know myself again – to realise there was more to me than my conditions.

Nowadays we have so many avenues when it comes to reaching out to others, it is just about finding what works for you. Counselling can take a variety of different forms and in this current climate you don’t even need to leave your house to access it. You can take part in telephone sessions, virtual online ones and if talking 1-2-1 is not your thing there are resources such as support groups to get you started.

For anyone struggling with finances I know traditional counselling with a qualified practitioner can be near impossible, I have never been able to afford private counsellors myself. Instead you can follow in my footsteps and access charity counselling services which are normally run by volunteers who only request you make a donation for each session based on what you can realistically afford.

Counselling in whatever format is definitely something I would recommend especially if you are unable to talk to people in your everyday life. There is no shame in needing to talk to someone and share your feelings. In fact just saying them out loud can make such a big difference and talking to a stranger can be more therapeutic than you think!